“Hey, guys! I heard you’re moving!”
One by one, different people over the past two months have approached Cobalt and/or I with both a smile and a frown on their faces (apparently one can possess both of these expressions simultaneously?) and arms stretched for a hug as if they’ll never see us again, even though our move isn’t finalized yet.
Caught off guard by this statement (more about why below), I usually imagine myself squinting my eyes at the person and glancing left and right inconspicuously as I take in this statement; and then have the strange desire to shush them from blurting this “secret.”
I refrain.
“Who told them that??” I demand quietly, knowing that Cobalt and I have only told a handful of people. But quickly I calm down, realizing this rumor of us moving is not a secret and is perfectly acceptable to spread. It’s not like I’m pregnant (P.S. I am NOT) or Santa Clause is being announced to the world as a false (because he’s totally real).
If Cobalt isn’t with me in this conversation, I usually take one more millisecond to let the reality set in: Oh my gosh, we’re moving across the country and we might never see these people again after this month is over!! But then I reply “Yes!” as enthusiastically as possible, not wanting to be sheepish. “Yes – we’re moving to Los Angeles, California!”
“LOS ANGELES?!?!?!!” Some people announce, indubitably surprised if they’re not familiar with where Cobalt’s job is stationed. I then explain to them our situation and why it’s beneficial for us to live in the same time zone as Cobalt’s business partner, Joel Gerlach.
Some people then say matter-of-factly, “You know – It’s really expensive out there,” as if they were disapproving or concerned that we wouldn’t survive. “Yes it is,” I reply, understanding that the culture shock of spending 150% more on rent will be a struggle. “But we will also be making more money out there. Plus, the purpose of moving in together with Joel and his wife Katherine is to save money as well. Not to mention that God will take care of us.”
At this point I usually begin to sense some understanding burrow its way into the conversation as the friend realizes that Cobalt and I have spent hours and hours talking about this move. It may look spontaneous but it’s really not. We’ve actually been planning it since we got married. Maybe not a move to LA. But definitely a move to the West coast of some sort.
“Well, when will you move?” is the next question, hinted with sadness by some and excitement by others (or some combination of both). “As soon as we find a house,” I say as calmly as possible, hating this conversation because I know the interviewer is hating the fact that we’re moving. “We’ve been shooting for the end of September. But it could be two weeks or it could be two more months.” I explain.
Then probably my most favorite question of all is: “So you’re really going to fit everything in one car?” “Yes,” I reply with a laugh. “It’s just easier and cheaper not to take a moving van; plus more can fit in Cobalt’s Honda Fit than you think!” No one is usually convinced, they just laugh in disbelief. We aim to prove them wrong! ;)
So why am I (Hope) personally overwhelmed every time someone asks me when and why we’re moving?
I’d say it’s because moving across the country, away from The Familiar South, hasn’t set in yet.
For about a month it felt so real. The conversation in late July with Joel and Kat of moving in with them for the minimum of a year remained fresh for a good four weeks. Packing and selling/giving away our things also gave us motivation and excitement as did searching for homes and virtually looking at them (via video) with the Gerlachs. We even applied for one place that we all thought we might get! (Can I please say how disheartening it is to look at homes, imagining where all your personal items and furniture will sit and then not getting it?) But near the end of August–after boxing up the majority of our house and selling only a few things online and looking at nearly 200+ homes to no avail and spending way too much money on groceries that we might have to leave behind and slowly but surely saying goodbye to the things we love in Chattanooga–nothing yet has happened.
As if we’re sitting at a traffic light waiting for it to turn green but the light is STUCK .
I’m discouraged. Cobalt is, too. Everything feels like it’s just slowing down…
I never thought waiting would be so hard. I thought waiting for marriage was extremely difficult but this wait of moving is hard in a different way. Why would God call me to do something that I have to wait for? I’m enthusiastic! I’m ready! Why not now?
I demanded these questions for a couple weeks in my prayers, perplexed with God’s plan.
I’m the kind of the person who takes advantage of my excitement because honestly it’s rare for me to be gung-ho about something. Without excitement I won’t willfully do something out of my comfort zone; I’d rather play my life “safely”. While I AM swayed more to make decisions by common sense and practicalness, I find that emotions really help convince myself to go out on limbs — to take risks. In this case, I feel like emotions are definitely needed for me to be okay with moving to Los Angeles. Because otherwise I’m just going because Cobalt’s job is there and not to have an adventure.
Thus, I want to be motivated again to keep organizing our house and promoting our items on Amazon and Ebay but I feel like I’m in a funk. I’m trying not to get frustrated with waiting so I’m becoming numb like when I’m waiting at the DMV for my number to be called and it’s already been 4 hours and I’m still the tenth in line; as if time is frozen. I’m wanting something to do but I don’t have the energy or desire (due to the numbness) to commit to something anymore because we’ll just have to quit in two weeks to a month. That time frame of course is debatable but how are we supposed to know that? I like committing to something and sticking with it for some time.
It’s so frustrating. I’m starting to not WANT to move anymore because I’m having to wait so long.
BUT when I surrender my complaints, I am actually REALLY glad we’re still here in Chattanooga. I’ve gotten to spend time with friends that I haven’t seen in ages, enjoyed life on a farm once a week, and spend quality time with Cobalt that we probably won’t experience again for a while after moving. Plus, we’ve been here with our church to grieve the loss of our friend and pastor who passed away from leukemia two weeks ago. It’s nice to know that we can help carry the load while still in town.
My heart has also gone through some convictions that need to be dealt with before we move in with friends. Living together again with other people is going to have it’s ups and downs but I’m so thankful God chose the Gerlachs and us to be roommates. I trust it will be a blessing!
So why are we still here? Only God knows. What can we do with our time? Do the best we can to be thankful for it.
‘Til next time,
Hope
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! Psalm 27:14
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning–more than watchmen for the morning. Psalm 130: 5-6
…but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
(Thanks Joel for the pictures ;) )